Broke, Broken, Break

Hey Everybody!  I know, I know, I have been gone for awhile and I am grateful for those of you who have encouraged to keep on writing.  The truth is, the brokenness of my heart forced me to stop writing about the original pain.

When writing about your story when it one of redemption, it’s hard to admit sometimes that pain still exists and writing about it brings unspeakable pain at times. One of the treatments for PTSD is a treatment plan called EMDR.  I have been under the care of a psychologist since moving.  He has seen me go from a person who walked into his office and told my story of childhood abuse and abandonment and my story of a 12 year abusive marriage.  The best description of me when I walked into his office is his: “Amy, you told me all this story like you were giving directions to the bank”.  One week later I was in the hospital.  Finally safe, it was the time to be beautifully broken.

Now he would tell you that I mention these things with pain in my chest and tears; there were so many years when I couldn’t even cry.  My guess that had less to do with the medication they forced me to take and everything to do with trusting my couselor, and trusting the process.  The results have been unexpected (by both of us) and jaw dropping healing.  He tells me part of the healing is to remain a bit broken by it all, that my pain deserved attention that I failed to give it for so long.

So, I had to stop writing.  It was a kind idea for me, and needed to happen, but now it’s time to pick up where we left off; so here we go the broken coming off of a break, may He be glorified.

If you are new to the blog and want to start from the beginning, you can do so by visiting my website blindsidedbyhealing.com

Here is a gift that I will forever cherish from Coach Bob Carver from Clearwater Christian College.  This is his trademark, to have these you are lucky.  I offered to buy one of my favorites, and he sent me my whole list.  Love Coach Carver!

 

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